what are you even doing

I think I'm in limbo.

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limbo:

"an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place."

if we're being over-correct, I'm sitting on a very uncomfortable faux leather seat at gate 30 of incheon international airport, logged into a free wifi that's most definitely stealing all of my information right now. and my upcoming 12 hour flight from seoul to frankfurt is my limbo. as soon as the airbus takes off, my holiday "I just graduated"-mode is officially over. once I land, I'm right in the middle of uncertainty. this sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is, because I chose it to be that way. instead of applying to jobs (i've actually had job offers without asking for them), I've decided to risk it and go my own way. very vague, I know, but I can't properly announce everything until I have it written on paper. 

have what... exactly written on paper?

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realising things

my masters at central saint martins was very much set out to secure you a great job in the fashion industry. while everyone was talking about their dream jobs, their dream companies, working on making their CV look perfect.. it creeped up on me that I didn't have one. my dream company doesn't exist. 

not entirely true. it does exist, but only in my head. but very much like a imaginary friend, that can only take you this far. i’m going to work on creating my dream company, my dream job, by myself this year.... which is the actual reason i’m going back to berlin. I mean i’m also going back because I absolutely love it there and I missed it. london really wasn’t for me, even though I met incredible people and made amazing friends, I really never fell in love with the city. and I can’t afford to build the career that I want in a place that is this fucking expensive. I am lucky enough to have a choice, to not work in a 9-5 that I hate, waiting for it to be friday every week. I don’t want to live for my free time, my days off, I want my work to be fulfilling, since it’s consuming the majority of our lives on earth. and I hope that anyone in my position would do the same, that’s what I feel like I owe to myself, and everyone that will never get the chance or the freedom of choice that I have.

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but I was overthinking everything. should I do it? can i do it? the first time I told someone about my plans was last spring, I was having dinner with my dad in chinatown (london) and got the courage to explain to him what I really wanted to do with my life. my dad is both my biggest support but also a voice of reason. he’s an incredible business man, so I knew his advice would be sincere. the first thing he said was “you know 90% of these things fail, right?”

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my heart sunk and I felt discouraged. also attacked since I thought he’d have more faith in me. however, after a minute of silence and a few more bites of fried rice, he followed up with “so what exactly is your plan?”

 

since that night last spring i’ve been pitching my ideas to my friends. assuming i’d be receiving rounds of applause and praise, their reactions were all quite underwhelming and not really what I had expected. it was all  

I thought you were gonna do that anyways.” 

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so yeah, what i’m vaguely trying to say is that after my limbo state, i’m moving to berlin to start my own business. and no, the business is not instagram influencing and becoming a proper blogger lol. that was never the dream. anyone that really knows me knows exactly what i’ve been dreaming about since I was 12, and if not I think you can still guess:) i’ve never felt this fucking blessed to get to live the incredible life i’m leading and to be able to make my own dreams become a reality. nevertheless i’m beru nervous for this plane to take off. i’ve already told so many people and I can’t really step back now. too late to abort my mission.

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I will make it official and explain everything in detail once I have all paperworks. thank you for sticking with me 🖤

 

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