ghosting: how not to end relationships

you've been ghosted.

in case you're late to the party, "ghosting" is a 21st century dating problem. you might not have heard of that term yet, but there's a big chance it already happened to you, your friends, or you've done it to someone else before. and as most of our communication now takes place via our smartphones, it's a very easy thing to do. ghosting refers to the act where one dater simply ends a relationship (of any sort) by disappearing. disappearing via smartphone communication is pretty easy: you just stop replying. the ghost doesn't leave the ghosted person with any sort of explanation while disappearing. leaving the ghosted one with a million questions on what went wrong which can result in lot of self doubts. 

the reason why we ghost is pretty simple: we don't like confrontation. and the forms of communication we're using right now make it so easy to just cut someone off. if something is uncomfortable, we don't really have to deal with it (or rather the person) anymore. we live in the time of dating apps, where potential love can occur by a simple right swipe. but we can also delete those lovers within seconds. this makes our potential loved ones very disposable. 

so you go on a few dates with someone you've met on tinder and you're not really feeling it. in the past, at some point you were kind of forced to do the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing. but we sometimes don't even exchange numbers. the internet brings a great deal of anonymity; we can literally delete the person, giving them no chance to reach out to us ever again. that leaves them thinking maybe there was something wrong with them. 

I've both ghosted and been ghosted before. The reason I have ghosted was out of pure selfishness. I tried to avoid the awkward conversation where I would have to tell the guys that I'm simply just not into them. deep down I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and bring down their ego. I have a fear of breaking up because I don't want to see anyone unhappy. so I just stopped replying to their texts because I feared the confrontation. however, ghosting someone causes a lot more damage than telling them the reasons why you don't want to go on other dates. and the aftermath, possibly seeing them in public when you live in the same city, is so much worse. 

we see our potential dates as online profiles and not as human beings with feelings that we can hurt. social media has taught us that we can hide behind a screen and act however we want. ghosting is the outcome. it seems doable when you're the ghost, but being ghosted will affect your self esteem and your sense of self worthiness. I don't think most of the people that use ghosting to "get rid of someone" do it out of spite, we are just developing into socially awkward adults that don't know how to interact with each other in real life. social rejection activates the same pain pathways in our brain as physical pain and we shouldn't put our own selfishness in front of other's feelings. 

so if you've recently been ghosted by someone, you're certainly not alone. and as hard as it might seem, that person is not worth your time and you shouldn't waste your energy trying to get their attention back. while all you might want to do is drown them in hate texts and angry messages, the ghost will most likely not reply because they wanted the "easy" way out. hate texts will only make it easier for the ghosts to justify their behaviour. the only thing to do is to realise they're not worth it and move on. and don't even think about wasting your time on thinking what you could've done wrong, because there's no blame to put on you in this.  

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